JUST AM

from by DEAKIN

/

lyrics

standing in the desert faces stare back from the dunes / brought here by courage or delusion i won’t stop but i feel ripping mad / so i am crying words that don’t make sense to me or them / but i am singing i am singing beams the child inside then disappears again / still i go on repeating words of loss and failure / of every choice that i gave up to guardian anger / i hope that you can feel life / cause even watching descent i see light // but i recall i called you hate / repeated words get locked and phased / and these words attach / some words like stone / you find with time you build more than sow / you build a house / you build what you know / I wonder if that’s home // tangled up at home unloved intentions all i see / all those collected stacked and fretted over treasures leave me spinning so / i’ll leave the door wide open my old friend there’s more unfound / it’s time for letting wounds and breaking through these pretty patterned knots i twist around / dad i can’t see i’ve lost my voice i need direction / reweighed each choice so many times i’ve lost reflection // you’ve got to let go so you’ll grow / then even when you feel blind you’ll still know // so i asked again when i get home can i build space? / and clear these ripples of disorder and erosion i feel nipping mad / and when i find my way through all discolor in my mind / swear i’ll never leave imbalance or impatience standing guard or keeping time / cause i hold on to things that dearly need replacing / broken time ruling pain and failed aging / when i let go i just am / conjured back to myself i just am // in holding on i’ve grown too tight / my joints are cracked my eyes gone white / stop holding / don’t wait too long your face is sown / your fears won’t fail and new ones will show / only steps you take will help you to grow / and when I hope i hope i’m home / i’ll step inside and i’ll feel grown / if only / don’t wait for safe just fall inside / and wisely forgetting to take / that treasured stain you’ve always relied / i wonder what you’ll show

credits

from SLEEP CYCLE, released April 6, 2016
recorded and mixed by Deakin at the rabbit hole in NOLA and at Sita's Delight in Maryland

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